Spring Planting

Do any of you garden? I do… at least, I do now.

I am trying really hard to plant a garden this year. I’m doing all kinds of research,planning and tilling, oh my! Let me let you in on a little secret. I HAVE NO F-ING IDEA what I am doing. None. Zilch. Zippo.

I saw these cute little pots at target in their dollar zone. They come with a little tablet like thing that swells and turns into dirt when soaked in water. You are supposed to soak the dirt pellet thingy in water, then pour into the pot. Then you open a LARGE package of seeds and plant 2-3 seeds in each tiny pot… DUDE. These seeds are about the size of the period right here–>. I’m supposed to plant 2 of those? When I ripped open the package about 20 fell in the pot… Freaking 2?

By my reasoning, if 2 is good, then the whole package is better, right? RIGHT? Um… My tiny little pots are all covered in green seedlings.. Like, seriously, the WHOLE tiny little pot. I have about 30 green pepper plants, 40 tomato plants, and don’t even ask me about microscopic strawberry seeds poking up. I’m totally screwed, you guys.

The main point of this post? Mad decided to help me. YEAH. I had a bag of carrot seeds and cucumber seeds on the counter. Also? A ginormous bag of potting soil. (I know what your thinking and you’re right).

All of the sudden, the sound of the running water (from watering the millions of seedlings) gets to me. I had to GO. I had to go RIGHT NOW. I ran to the bathroom and fumbled with the door lock. We have to keep doors locked from the inside and open them with a key – for safety. And because I hate cleaning up the mess Mad makes in the bathroom. (FYI, he ISN’T trained). SO anyway, I managed to unlock the bathroom door, and get in there. Just in time. While smiling the smile of those we have narrowly escaped total embarrasment, I hear a crash.. and giggling. LOTS of giggling. Also? That screechy “eeeeee” he makes when stimming. Hmm… That’s odd, I thought. What could he be doing?I finish my business, and get out of the bathroom. I ran to the kitchen and what did I see? NOTHING. That really isn’t good. Where were my seeds and my dirt?


My entire living room looked like a container garden after a twister. Dirt freakin’ everywhere. In the recliner? CHECK. Under the couch? CHECK. In my shoes? CHECK. UGH. Of course, I cleaned it all up and get him situated in front of Scooby Doo (darn the stupid dog).

Then it was time to take an inventory of what I had left. Half a bag of potting soil (that’s enough for now), tiny planters, packet of cucumber seeds… Where are the carrots????Well, long story short, I never did find the carrots. Check back in the fall after I harvest my living room carpet.

I suspect I will have found them then.

Seriously? Green?

Sooo.. I forgot to buy the stupid blue light bulbs..

Yeah. I had to call around to about 10 different hardware stores in my town to find them. So naturally, I panicked. What? You think I over-reacted? PSH.. I had made of thing of it on here, I HAD to have this dumb bulb.

I ran to the store, grabbed one, payed for it (Umm.. 5 dollars for a 25 watt bulb? WTF?), ran home, and began the installation process…

Please imagine this is my home ( I know, I suck. Words won’t describe though):

Notice the Christmas wreath. Yeah, I'm lazy. I'm also short.

You’ll see something unusual about my porch light. First, the claw like protrutions make it darn near impossible to remove OR install a bulb. Second, the bulb I had in there casts a yellowish light. It needed a new bulb anyway, so I got to work. Several drops of blood and missing flesh later, I had done it! The dumb bulb was in!

Now to stand back and admire my handiwork. Also, prepare short speeches about Autism for the questions that were sure to flood in (insert eye roll here). I stood back, held the papertowel to my wounds to staunch the bleeding, and what did I see?


DANGIT! The glass was yellow, not the stupid old bulb that was in there. Now I was freaking lighting it up green? What does green even stand for?  There was blue light shining in a craptastic pattern above and below the light… That counts right? I kept telling myself it was blue enough (totally wasn’t blue btw), and as long as the questions got asked, it was worth it.

Guys? Not one person so much as looked twice. My house looked like a box of crayola crayons. The green and yellow and blue, oh, don’t forget the red from my blood.

UGH. The kicker? It’s not bright enough to see the door, and since hubby works nights? I need to switch the dumb thing back to the regular bulb.

Thanks, Autism. You win. AGAIN.

Bits and Pieces

Oh, you guys.. ok..you..guy.. I seem to have one person read this consistently.. This is alternately frightening (since these are my thoughts, and not really about popularity) and AMAZING (cuz someone likes me!!).

After I last posted, we had another round of evaluation paperwork and another appointment. The evaluations showed autism ( I know! I was surprised too! *eye roll*), and the visit was another rollar coaster ride from hell.

You see, Dr. B decided that if Mad was pointing at the pictures on her walls than he probably WASN’T on the spectrum.. WHUCK?? Didn’t we do this the week before last, and then you changed your mind last week.. and now back to this? UGH. I think my brain imploded. She most certainly means well, but good gravy marie, this is ridiculous.

We had an appointment scheduled this month after an 8 month waiting list. It was for a really well known Dev. Ped. at a major university in our area. It is an hour away from home, so not too far, but not next door either. It would be a trek with a very stimmy, sensory seeking little boy… who unbuckles every five EFFING feet.. AHEM. sorry.. Got a little carried away. Anywho.. we asked Dr. B if we needed to keep the appointment. She said no. He was obviously on the spectrum, so it wasn’t really necessary. Okey dokey then. Hubby said he’d call the big university dev.ped. and cancel.

I went to last weeks appointment with Dr. B and after her announcement that he WAS NOT on the spectrum (oh, my blood pressure is rising again), I asked AGAIN (AAAHHH) if we should be going to the big university dev. ped. She said YES. Holy Mother, you have got to be joking me!

Fortunately, hubby is a notorious procrastinator and never called to cancel. For once, this came in handy! (Also, I like caps and exclamation marks – in case you hadn’t noticed). Out to — the big city– we went. Boy was that fun.

The appointment was LONG. More evaluations, more questionnaires, more simple games for Mad to “play.” The usual. Big City Dev. Ped asked all sorts of questions I have answered for 2 1/2, years, but with one major difference. He LISTENED. (<– see I used CAPS again). At one point, he asked about Mad’s sensory seeking behaviors. I was mid-answer when I looked over at Mad. There he was, on knees and elbows, tongue to the carpet, propelling himself along in one GINORMOUS lick. OMG.. SO NASTY. Big City doc saw this and says.. “HMMM.. I guess that’s a YES on sensory seeking behavior!” It’s also an understatement.

Big City Doc was surprised that Mad was not yet formally diagnosed, but could see the hold-up. Mad shows some joint attention, intermittent eye contact, and some social interaction. The difference between Big City Doc (BCD from here on out) and everyone else was that he felt the quality of Mad’s social interaction was very imature and superficial. Basically, it was a skill we have taught him and praised him well for, thereby making it hardly valid as a real social skill (Evaluation wise, anyway).

The long and short is this. Mad is now diagnosed as PDDNOS. BCD felt that he may later test as HFA, but for now, PDDNOS fits. The main point was that no one, until now, was willing to take the risk of “labeling” what may turn out later to be a mostly “typical” child after therapies and school. Sounds reasonable. Except, that without the label? He won’t get therapies and school.

Is it always like this you guys guy? Will it always be such a fight? Such a battle for my child’s life? I am about all done in.

A new tactic?

Mad-Hatter eats paper.. There’s a sentence I never thought I would write. He eats it ALOT. All kinds. He even stims and squeals in excitement when we bring out a new roll of paper towels. We have never been able to break this habit or do anything to get him to seek this input elsewhere. His OT feels that it is a sensory seeking behavior. We have most doors on our main floor locked from the outside and carry around a set of keys to open doors. It seems to be the only way to keep the older children’s rooms safe and off limits to the little book eater.

We have been trying for a week or two to leave the bathroom door unlocked so that we can teach Moose to use the potty. This is not going well at all. He has eaten and ripped apart at least one roll of toilet paper per day since we started our “open doors” campaign. Yesterday we decided the mission must be aborted. He just isn’t ready. Anyone with ideas or help would be appreciated here.

Mad was chewing on some TP saturday and I was at my wits end. I finally just asked him WHY he eats paper. He answered in his squeaky, high pitched voice “Cu I bi!” Which translates to “cause I bite!” Well, DUH. I asked why he bites. He looked at me for a minute (ok, ok. He looked at my forehead, but heck… it was at ME), “cu i fea va va gu!” (Cause it feels very very good!). Ah.. um.. well… ok, then.

People, he actually answered me! A sentence, about how he feels! That’s huge. Not particularly helpful, but huge.

We have tried so very many things to help him get his sensory input. Brushing, deep tissue pressure.. e-v-e-r-y-thing. Nothing is helping. If you tell him, not to eat paper, that paper isn’t for eating, he answers “oh!”  and spits it out into your hand. But then he does it again a minute or two later.

Sometimes I think he is screwing with me. Seriously, anyone been down this road?