Warning: I am not proofreading and editing this. It’s too hard. If you can stick with me through it all, thank you.

Wow, you guys. Really. What a week and it’s only tuesday. If you can bear with me through this rant, dear mercy, can I really use some support.Also, if you read this in one really long breath or two and maybe imagine some sniffles, you’ll get a more realistic effect.


Ok, so yesterday morning, both Bubba and Mad-Hatter had doctor’s appointments. Dr. B and Dr. D. Dr. B (I may have mentioned this before) is the Neuropsych currently seeing Mad. She is doing our final formal evaluation for the spectrum diagnosis. Dr. D is Bubba’s psychiatrist. Now that you are caught up 🙂

The appointments are on opposite sides of town. I mean OPPOSITE. So, hubby and I decided to divide and conquer. Unfortunately, this meant that both of us would miss out on something. This was THE appointment for Bubba. They would give us his diagnosis and treatment plan. This was also the second to last appointment at Dr. B’s and she could very likely have given us her impressions about Mad and the Spectrum. Bubba requested that I take him, so I did and Hubby took Mad.

Bubba’s appointment went as expected. He is ADHD, possible Mood Disorder and some anxiety. Nothing unexpected. Except the mood disorder, but even that… not really surprising. He is to remain on the Risperidone, begin Adderal, keep the Clonidine in case of extreme emergancies. The main surprise came to the fact the Adderall can increase his aggression/anger????? WTF??? Really?? That is NOT what I need. And please don’t get me wrong here.. I don’t mind hate can tolerate his Hyperactivity and attention span, but the fact that he is so uncomfortable in his own skin and cannot rest is unacceptable to me. So medication it is. We begin the adderall tomorrow morning. We shall see how that goes.

Dr. B and Mad played awhile again. Mad did point out some things that she showed him in the office last time. He still fixated on certain items. For example, once the blocks were used to show/match colors, she could not get him to count them. He would just list their colors. He still cannot distinguish Wh questions and what they mean. He did show some pretend play. He stimmed THE ENTIRE TIME we were there. She said that is unusual to see. She finally stated that since his shared attention is good (not great but decent) that she doesn’t feel that he is on the Spectrum at this time. WHA??? Guys, I don’t even know what to say to this. I will come back to my feelings on this a little later. For now, back to the appointment. She said that it is very possible that later on in life this proves to be Asperger’s but for now, she can’t diagnose him as that. She is going to “think some more on this” and meet with us again on monday to discuss. She very much feels that he needs to be in Head Start or whatever it’s called, and he needs private Speech and OT in addition to what the school is providing. She commented that this seems to be happening more lately. Children who for all intents and purposes APPEAR Autistic but are actually not. What the heck am I supposed to make of that?? Stereotypic movement disorder, Adjustment disorder, Pica, Speech issues, Speech processing issues… and back into limbo we go.

I feel like I have been slammed in the gut. What we have believed for so long (2 years) was a given, is not tue. We have a few vague diagnoses’ that really mean nothing to anyone. She is concerned that he is not yet potty trained… POTTY TRAINED??? Are you kidding me? He doesn’t have the words to ask for juice but he should pee in the potty?? (side rant over) I feel like I lost my community, my identity, and hope. Autism has treatments, help, and ANSWER and a name. We are no one, we have ultimately nothing other than a confused little boy, and exhuasted parents. The community of Autism moms have been my refuge.. Your blogs, you lives, your friendship and gotten me through, made me laugh, and feel like it would be ok. He is ok being who he is.

Now… I don’t know what makes my little man who he is… And I don’t know how to help him be him, without that.. Guys, who the hell am I?????


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. @jencull
    Feb 08, 2011 @ 13:25:54

    oh cripes, that is a slap in the gut alright. I totally get what you mean because I was relieved to get our diagnosis, it gave us a plan and direction and took away the uncertainty. I don’t even know what to say, I need to think…………go to this meeting on Monday and see what she has to say. Any chance you can get a second opinion? 3.5 is young to be diagnosed with Aspergers BUT that basically is autism (with speech) I know I am simplifying there but I don’t really understand how a child can appear autistic and not be. My son has some shared attention, he is the same age almost as Mad and we have worked hard to get it, as I am sure you have too. *sigh* Big hugs. Jen


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